I remark the channels of communication of the time so you can have a better idea of the kind of friends of him that I met. Everyone liked ‘R’, what was there not to like? the man was humble yet sparky, almost upbeat, he helped people with work issues and was kind, which always makes a difference in my book.
I found things to relate to him in a personal level: he was a dreamer, wanted to be a chef, he loved hero videogames, and he was looking for love… except it appeared to me he didn’t see love when she hit him in the face.
I dare to give my opinion only because I was fairly informed from both sides. He had originally confessed to me he liked λ knowing that I liked her too and I had encouraged him to pursue because I felt they made a better match, was I wrong?
Even if I later thought I had shot at my own foot with this decision, I honestly don’t know. I know they had a cute relationship and I was also there when he confessed to me he was hesitating, kind of falling in love with someone else at the same time than with λ.
I wished I’d been more illuminated at the time and had suggested to try to get them to meet, see if they could also love each other. But I also don’t want to force my ideas: whatever I told him, should be wise advice to help him be happy under the framework of his own dreams.
I heard him out, asked what he was looking for in a woman, I made the observation that all of the virtues he was looking for were displayed strongly by λ, on top of that, she fitted most of the other things he wanted and the pretty details too. The other girl sounded kinda cool too, but by the time we finished talking he was sure he’d stay with λ.
Giving him advice on staying with λ was hard for me because I was going through a rough time with ɣ and talking to λ at lunch was the best part of my day, I only wanted her to remain as happy as she was, the happiest girl on the floor.
Months later something else happened between them and this time ‘R’ didn’t come to me, maybe because he was dealing with jealousy and didn’t trust me anymore, he wouldn’t come close to say hello anymore whenever λ and I were having lunch together, that was a tad disappointing regardless of the feelings I had for her, I never hid my feelings from ‘R’, he had known from the start and he also knew I behaved honorably.
There was another important thing from R that got my attention, his email started with something like “fallen*{var}” (read that as fallen-something-something). I made conversation about it, I went for the sincerity jugular, bringing his thoughts from the ether.
— es porque te sientes como un ángel caído ¿verdad? — I was also mirroring my own feelings
— sí… algo así — and he went on to talk about how he wished the world was a more just place but he felt powerless
He felt some of the weight of the world on his shoulders at times… yeah, I could relate to that too. And he was not the only one sharing that feeling, he was one of many brothers, cousins, friends, parents, uncles, aunts, grandparents and neighbors I’ve met who present the same symptoms. They dream of a better world and they bring that desire from neverland to actualand.
I have news for you my dear friends, that weight is where your wings are attached to you, I can now more strongly see it on your auras than I was able to do before. And I also know some of you even feel it physically; literally on your shoulders, pulling your back and neck, like I do. I suggest you start moving those wings like I learned to, it’s good for your health and everyone’s benefit, stretch those freedom muscles.
This testament started thinking about friends, heroism and freedom.
My brothers have also inspired me heroism and I’m convinced they must also have some sort of superpower, I know they’re guardian angels just as much as I am.
I value deeply all of the times we defended each other, because that’s family love duty, which is equal to putting one foot into hero ground, but my brothers have gone above family love duty, up to stranger love duty.
Salvador once saved a kid from drowning, being himself at the time a smaller kid that the one in need, and once helped rescuing someone during camping using ropes and stuff.
German once rushed to defend a woman being assaulted by her own boyfriend on the street, there’s a cellphone video recording of his deed somewhere, Tae Kwon Do and courage to the rescue.
Ernesto made every effort to save me when I was being “initiated” and he didn’t know I didn’t exactly need to be physically saved. Plus he literally takes care of life everyday for a living as an M.D.
Once you have been able to go above, I encourage you all to go beyond.
Free love duty.
.
.
.
Esta historia comenzó pensando en amigos, familia, heroísmo y con los íntimos recuerdos de mis deseos de libertad.
Confieso que una vez intenté escapar de mi casa, mi padre sí lo hizo cuando tenía 15, yo tenía 6.
El deseo de escapar nunca se durmió completamente.
æ
Otra tarde de verano días después, salí a la calle y me puse a seguir al viento casi imperceptible de Cd.Victoria, hasta llegar a un cruce en el centro de la ciudad, en algún punto entre el edificio de rectoría de la Universidad y el edificio del Centro Cultural Tamaulipas donde solía atender a la cineteca, me senté en una barda bajita contemplating the possibility of running away for real.
After staying there for a few minutes, a butterfly landed on my shoulder…
// *incomplete chapter*
My good friend Ale called interrupting my trance, she invited me to a string concert happening in the cultural center, just a few blocks away from where I had my encounter with the butterfly and the drugged smuggler.
*I’m doing the unconscious english switching thing again, I’ll finish this text after some meditation*
æ… July 6 …æ
// … a butterfly landed on my shoulder, and I immediately knew that God was going to show me something:
A pretty woman came walking and she stood there on the corner just showing her back to meæ… July 6 …æ
// … a butterfly landed on my shoulder, and I immediately knew that God was going to show me something:
…æ…
Acompañado de una amiga culta, rodeado de bohemios, reflexionaba sobre el viaje de los demás. Muy pocos de ellos plasmados en libros conocidos, yo preferí siempre escuchar sobre el viaje de quienes me rodean, que aquellos plasmados en 934857689034576 palabras escritas, por eso me gustaría más conocerles a que me sigan leyendo exclusivamente, bueno aunque, leerles también estaría genial.
Considero que estoy apenas ligeramente cultivado. He disfrutado algunos libros y leo mucho en internet, pero la literatura formal/clásica no ha sido muy explorada por mí, sí, una parte de Shakespeare y uno que otro libro por aquí y por allá.
Una vez tuve una epifanía leyendo la primer página de David Copperfield y desde entonces cargo ese libro a todos lados como recordatorio. Estoy más informado que cultivado; el mundo me pareció siempre tan bello y vibrante que aún cuando estuviera en una situación aburrida, podía dejar de pensar en el tiempo contemplando la creación natural y examinando la que llamamos “artificial”; la artificialidad palpable fue la primera en maravillarme, tardé un tiempo en interesarme por la visión plasmada en escrito, siempre he preferido hablar con todo tipo de locos.
Esa noche tuve la fortuna de entablar íntima conversación con uno de esos “locos”: afuera del bar antes de entrar, conocí un guitarrista vagabundo que sostenía su estilo de vida tocando música en restaurantes que le permitieran pedir propina entre las mesas. Pero él no estaba en este lugar en particular para hacer dinero, iba porque él creía que ese lugar era realmente especial, la gente lo conocía un poco aunque algunos le vieran con un cierto aire de desconfianza.
Nuestra conversación fue reveladora */// Incomplete ///*
…æ…
æ … June 27 … æ
The reason I’m being so honest is that I’ve seen and examined how the cultural programming is wired up and I’m certain that every time my honesty signal hits another honesty node, that means all of our strongly resonant susceptible honest feelings in all of us, and once it hits someone capable of the same dimensions and magnitude of honesty, we will all see another kind miracle happening.
What happened to me today was a good example:
Acabo de tener una pequeña experiencia que me ayudó a reflexionar más sobre el cómo ayudarles a vencer los obstáculos que un ángel se topará:
I just met Adnan & Eduardo who introduced themselves also with their nicknames, they were asking if I sold pot, I made sure they understood I was not a dealer, they were so friendly we kept talking.
— están chidos sus apodos pero me gustan más sus nombres —
They were surprised I had no problem with hard to pronounce names, talking about that made them pronounce a bunch of their friend’s names and I pronounced mine and continued with other names I like and have never met anyone using them:
— [blabla] …algunos son nombres de ángeles, ‘Samael’ me viene bien …—
The name God baptized me with on 2008.
—… pueden decirme Jorge o Samæl —
We also commented about the many different ways Adnan’s name could be read: biological reference pointed to DNA in spanish, and the informatics approach pointed to ‘Not A Number’ data type/registry, we had some good laughs and once they shared their stories about being high I knew for sure I would not spoil them if I shared a smoke.
After those guys went inside they came out with their lady friend, we said hello and off they went. Then a lady came out later looking for her child who had gone out without supervision:
— solamente noté familias saliendo y unos chavos con los que platiqué, ¿qué edad tiene su niño? —
— 6 años, usaba una playera roja —
— creo que me habría dado cuenta si un niñito de 6 años hubiera salido pero te puedo ayudar a buscar —
She did good by not saying «gracias» so soon, many people pretend they will help but they don’t
After I offered to help go looking for him I thought it was a waste of time looking together, I suggested we split under these agreed terms:
— mira, yo voy a buscarlo afuera y tú lo buscas adentro, pero si lo encuentras me avisas para no quedarme con el pendiente, vivo en el 81 ¿y tú? — she gave me her number
So I went asking everyone for a few minutes until someone answered yes to all the requests present in this dialog:
— viste pasar a un niño chiquito ¿así? — making a “yay high” signal with my hand
— si lo ves, su mamá lo está buscando y vive en el numero “NN” — making all of the digits with your hands as you spell the number
— si hubiera pasado un niño así de chiquito ¿te habrías dado cuenta? — the guy at the pizzería was very convincing, so I was at ease deciding to go back to go look for her mom
In my way I asked all neighbors for the child, and I met Samuel, a teen who I had already been saying «buenas noches» to, the kid he was talking to said the child had been playing at his home with her little sister and pointed me in the direction.
— todas las casas se ven iguales, ¿me pueden llevar? — he lead the way and Samuel tagged along, I made conversation about his name being biblical to break the ice but Samuel didn’t need it, he already liked me because he had seen me standing outside saying «buenas noches» to everyone
— sí, ya vino su mamá por él, gracias — I further presented myself, you should give your name and number with confidence so people feel safe, her mom turned out to be the lady who pointed me to the bicycle workshop, Lourdes.
— ese cancel abierto todo el tiempo es un peligro para los niños pequeños — she noted and I offered to speak about it with the community representative
Said good bye and told Samuel I would read about his name again
Once I was back reading about Samuel and Samael, I went back in time to the child’s POV and realized that my shadowy mighty presence in the entrance prevented him from going outside.
% …l’angelo della nerezza, guarding life and death, huh… %
æ… July 3 …æ
The day of the pink shoe incident I published on June 28 I also realized that it helps to have no pockets on you. The people passing by were nicer and their auras were more at ease, I’ve been using sandals, V-neck shirts and my deep blue + white shorts, it’s easy to wash on the shower and it dries very fast. I now call it “mi uniforme de superheroe”.
I think the reason for the pockets thing is: that the mind, being so powerful and capable of taking in more information than it can even process, can be confused or even alarmed by the uncertainty of what could we be holding inside our pockets. A preoccupied mind also has a tendency to load signals of loose ends and things to be wary of.
I suggest we all dress similar to that, at least for the first few weeks while your neighbors get used to your angelic presence. We are kids with good intentions, we want to have fun and make friends.
æ… June 26 …æ
Prefiero que crean en ustedes mismos, 100%.
Pero en un caso de extrema necesidad: «Y si no me crees, pregúntale en persona a Jorge, hijo ante Dios de Patricia su madrina, hijo de Guadalupe y su esposo Salvador, hijo de Dios, hermano de todos nosotros. Recuerda, siempre con excelesantas intenciones.»
Pero las situaciones no deben llegar a esas circunstancias si eres amable, sincerœ y alegre. Simplemente estás dando las buenas tardes o las buenas noches enfrente de tu casa, nadie te puede decir que eso es algo malo.
Muchas personas ya lo están haciendo, incluyendo Osvaldo ya lo está haciendo, vive aquí cerca y dice que estuvo bien padre.
Only the just can fly cause wings are made of love.
It was promised…
*After a few days, I came back to this post with the intention to fix the size of the video, but then I thought that the margin overflow fits perfectly to what I’m talking about*
…æ June 6th 2018 * It’s no longer overflowing since I made modifications to the theme and adjusted widths, coinciding with what comes next… it fits. * æ…
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