It begins with a ‘C’ (Esiliato’s notes and fragments.)

Facing a moment when you realize you are not concealing your identity safely enough forces you to question the strength of your will; eagerness for love can be intensified when you long for something even more rare to find in order to be able to collide your spirit with someone else's and still keep anything close to peace of mind.

Few people will know what that is,
few people will appreciate it,
it can't be asked for.

It is lost if pronounced
and you will put yourself to danger,
the worst danger of all
has nothing to do with physical health.

Ever been so close to such mistake?
Didn't think so...

But I have, I constantly dance on the edge of disaster, and yes, it has happened before and will continue to do so, you could say that was my great error, the flip of a coin that was never to hit the ground. I've been running wounded through the battlefield ever since and must admit... no, I WANT you to know -and this might sound like a challenge to human ears- I feel like confessing that

Even if the worlds do come to an end as a result of my presence, even if my denial to return home and accept any so-called "honorable duty" causes unrest, I'll choose to remain as an earthling because for now...

I can experience the contradiction
of feeling the tick of the clock
inside my chest.

And the dimension of existence
that these beings consider immortality
at the same time.

And, if I may add, I think I pretty much enjoy this vivid dynamic of the universe they consider chaos, it just seems very lively to me, it makes me joyful, yeah, that's it, it's just mesmerizing.

* Finalmente armé un texto completo con título juntando cuidadosamente algunos de los cientos de trozos de papel maltratados, elegí poner como título algo que en realidad estaba escrito al margen izquierdo y severamente tachado, pero se alcanza a leer.
Empieza con ‘C’… quisiera saber a qué se refería. *